What do you want to be when you're 40 years old?
So this article is definitely not for those of you who have reached this stage. Sorry about that. It's just a thought that popped into my head as I was watching this new show called Easy on Netflix (S01E07).
I know that the first thought that a lot of you will have is "why do you want to even think about that?" or "Don't ruin the present by worrying about the future" and stuff like that. Thoughts/Opinions that tell me to focus in the present or short term and stop worrying about the future. Trust me, I understand all of them and for the most part, I live by them too.
However, having a long term perspective is important. It gives you an ideal situation or condition that you aim for and work for. Once you reach that stage, things might just turn out to be different than what you imagined them but that's not the point. The key is to have that one scenario in mind, that one realistic hope of being in a situation so that once you reach that stage, you can compare it to what your initial aim was. So this brings me to this question that has been haunting me over a year now.
Now this question has really bothered me for a while now and it's not because it's a difficult question. Most of us have a very basic idea of what we wish to be when we're 40. It may not be very precise but most of us will be able to basically point out 2-3 things that we want or we don't want in our lives by the time we're 40.
I was no different till I finished engineering. I like to call myself a conventional person. I was moulded into the society's expectations of me and for the most part, I conformed to the general norms of the society too. I've had something I call a standard "Indian middle class happy plan" and I followed it for the most part of my life. The plan was as follows:
I know that the first thought that a lot of you will have is "why do you want to even think about that?" or "Don't ruin the present by worrying about the future" and stuff like that. Thoughts/Opinions that tell me to focus in the present or short term and stop worrying about the future. Trust me, I understand all of them and for the most part, I live by them too.
However, having a long term perspective is important. It gives you an ideal situation or condition that you aim for and work for. Once you reach that stage, things might just turn out to be different than what you imagined them but that's not the point. The key is to have that one scenario in mind, that one realistic hope of being in a situation so that once you reach that stage, you can compare it to what your initial aim was. So this brings me to this question that has been haunting me over a year now.
"How do I imagine myself to be when I'm 40?"
Now this question has really bothered me for a while now and it's not because it's a difficult question. Most of us have a very basic idea of what we wish to be when we're 40. It may not be very precise but most of us will be able to basically point out 2-3 things that we want or we don't want in our lives by the time we're 40.
I was no different till I finished engineering. I like to call myself a conventional person. I was moulded into the society's expectations of me and for the most part, I conformed to the general norms of the society too. I've had something I call a standard "Indian middle class happy plan" and I followed it for the most part of my life. The plan was as follows:
- Do engineering.
- Get a job.
- Follow it up with MBA and a Private Sector job or Civil Services
- Buy a car and a house
- Get married.
- Have kids and raise them.
- They'll have kids. Help them raise their kids as grandfather for a bit.
- Die.
This was the safe and steady plan. I was moulded into believing that this is the perfect plan. Everyone who is living this way is happy and I must do it too and I'll be happy. When I was in 3rd grade, my dad would take me to a walk near IIT-Delhi (one of the best engineering universities in India) and tell me how most of the heads of various firms, private as well as government, were alumni of such institutions and how I must go to one of these if I wish for success in life. Growing up, my mom would tell me how she and dad found each other and they've been together since and how I'll find that one woman whom I'll love with all my heart and who will love me with all her heart and we'll live happily ever after (Little did she know that I had already fallen in and out of love with 3 girls by then). Hence, this was the plan.
"Be careful what you wish for,
because you just might get it all"
Till the end of engineering, my life was perfectly on track. I had finished step 2. I was working as a software developer and was earning pretty well. I was gaining work experience to begin executing step 3. However, a little less than a year into my job, I got the feeling that this was too planned. Life seemed too well organised to be fun. It was getting too predictable. There was no fun in this. It's like when you've got what you wished for all your life and you don't know what to do next. I guess that's another reason they say 'be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all.'
Fortunately, life didn't turn out to be that predictable. With a very big twist of events, I ended up studying economics in Budapest. The "Indian Happy Plan" was shelved and living in the moment began. New plans have also propped up for the short and medium term (Planning a trip for Christmas if anyone's interested).
Now, when I think about this question, I have no answer. According to the "Indian Happy plan", that's step 6 but if I were still on that track, this blog wouldn't exist. Right now, I don't even know IF step 4 will happen. Hence, I've decided to list out a few things I definitely want in my life when I turn 40.
3 things I want in my life when I turn 40
However, I do have a list of 3 things (not in any order of priority) I want in my life when I'm 40 and I hope I have them when I turn 40.
- Car - I know it sounds cliche but I need to have this one when I'm 40. I love cars and I don't think my life will be complete until I have one of my own. When I was in college, my dad got me his first car to drive. It was an 17 year old Suzuki and I loved it from the bottom of my heart. Later, he sold it and got me a new car (Alex) and she was one of the few things that I cared for more than my life. She was one of the best things that ever happened to me and I feel like I'll need that feeling in my life when I'm 40.
- Someone to love - Now, this may sound cheesy and it may seem like I'm beginning to ask for the same things in the happy plan but it's not. When I say someone to love, it may not even be a woman. It could be some kids I teach or even a child that I may adopt. I haven't figured it out yet. It might just be the people at a charity that I work at. I don't have the slightest idea of who this person or these people will be. I hope that by the time I turn 40, I have this support system of people around me that make me feel loved and cared for and for whom I care about. I really hope I'm able to reach a stage where I'll be willing to care for others more than myself. Right now, I'm a narcissist and till that changes, I think it will be difficult for me to have strong connections like these in my life apart from my family and friends. Hopefully, that will change by the time I'm 40.
- Fitness regimen - Just like a car, this is a must have in my life for me. I always feel a little empty inside if I'm not exercising regularly and so this needs to be there. I need that 1 hour of sweat and smelliness in my life, just to release all the stress and pressure coming from other aspects of my life.
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