My love-hate relationship with DPS RKP

I have this new morning ritual. It’s been on for more than a month now. Every morning (almost) I make myself a cup of coffee, I drink one sip to taste, I judge it by saying “Good shit” or “Not bad” (to add a tinge of optimism) and make mental notes for the next time while I sit alone, without any piece of technology. I take this time to introspect and reflect upon things of the past and present. I try to gain some sort of focus for the future, both, short and long term. I also make a conscious effort to reflect upon these things in a positive manner so that I’m able to approach my day with a good vibe (which is especially useful since my skinny Dutch friend makes me take a bath every f***ing morning in this cold weather).

Recently, the thought of my high-school, DPS RKP came to my mind. To those of you who do not know, it stands for Delhi Public School, R. K. Puram and I don’t care what anyone will tell you, it is the most freaking badass school in this universe and all other parallel universes that may exist and interact with each other at a quantum level.Anyway, so I thought of DPS and I realised that I have never visited it since I passed out. I did go there numerous times for Tennis/Football/Basketball/Swimming but I never went there to just visit. I never went there to meet the teachers, to tell them about how I’m doing, to ask them how they’re doing,  how the school’s doing etc.

Honestly, the thought was quite surprising for me, mainly for two reasons. Firstly, most of my close friends have done that from time to time. They have all gone to meet their teachers at least once since graduating. The reasons for them doing so may have varied. Some went on achieving something significant. They probably felt that they owed it to their teachers and therefore, the need to reach out to them. Others went purely out of nostalgia. A lot of my friends aren’t in New Delhi now (like me). Whenever they come back, they feel the need to reconnect with the things they love most about the city and school is one of those things for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

The second reason that surprised me was that my experiences with DPS RKP were quite similar to those of my friends. I like to think that I wasn’t too much of a problem child for my school and that I shared great personal bonds with many of my teachers, if not all of them. This should have made me behave in the same way as them. Even when I look at my friends who are still in the city, they have visited the school at least once. Most (if not all) even have personal bonds with some of their favourite teachers. You see, the teachers in DPS RKP aren’t just your  teachers. For most of us, there was at least one teacher who was a true friend, someone we could share things with, personal and professional. They are the best freaking guides for life that you can get.

All this made me wonder why haven’t I reached out to my teachers. To the women and men that I owed so much to and who made me who I am today (at least the good parts of me, if not bad). If this debt wasn’t enough, I owe DPS for the people it has given me. The friends who are as good as family (and sometimes even better). I'm a “pure-blood” Dipsite. I was in the school right from the start. My parents went to great lengths to put me and to keep me there, with the faith that I was getting the best level of education and upbringing that they could manage for me. Looking back at my life, I can truly say that DPS RKP delivered far more than what was expected. Why haven’t I reached out to the institution that has been at the centre of my life?

My Economics teacher (Right) - Dr. Renu Nayyar. I owe my love for the subject to her.
I did trouble her A LOT. I wasn't one of her favourites is as mildly as I can put it. 

I realised that I tend to have a love-hate relationship with most of the things that matter to me. My relationship with DPS is no different. I have always had a love-hate relationship with it. The love has always been alive in my heart, filled with amazing memories. The bunking, the pretty girls, the Monte Carlo sweaters, the Children’s day celebrations, the fights and every other typical RKP thing that a Dipsite goes through. Not to mention the amazing quality of education. Despite all of this, it has come to me with a tinge of bitterness, a tinge of regrets and resentment (if you’re one of those who say “hate” is too strong a word). I’m not saying RKP is to blame for any of this. It’s just a bunch of feelings that have always stayed inside. The things that went wrong. The things I couldn’t explore. The scars of wounds that have healed but left a mark. This article is about all the things that define this love and this hatred inside me towards my alma mater, my DPS RKP.

“F*** you RKP. I hate you”

Just like the rest of the world, RKP is place full of people that you wish you didn't come across. People who give you scars for life. While they're people that were once a major reason you got your ass up early in the morning, they walk out to leave you a big, gooey mess. Just like everyone, I have my own bag of issues and I owe many of them to the people I met in RKP. Sometimes I feel that I would've had a lot less of these if I were in a different school but there's no surety of that either. Hence, I can just conclude by wishing RKP left me with a slightly lighter bag of issues.

Life in RKP had a bunch of internal conflicts. The socio-emotional pressure that I faced was one of them. You're part of this huge crowd of people. You're desperately trying to stand out of it and be recognised. At the same time, you're trying to fit in and be a part of it. Finding the right balance was an everyday challenge for me. Probably, for many others too. To impress my teachers as a student and yet not be seen as sucking up to them. To attend all the parties and social events without skipping tennis practice and compromising on your math scores. To have a swarm of butterflies in your stomach when that pretty girl talks to you and act cool about it in front of your friends. The list goes on. You're constantly worried about what your "repo" is in the batch and what people are saying about you. The constant politics and envy and bitching around. It's difficult to stay out of it. Somewhere, somehow, you get drawn into it. The peer pressure to conform is too much. It could vary from being a part of the MUN or the music basement to drinking and bunking school. There is a significant peer pressure component in all spheres of school life in DPS RKP

I'm not trying to say this doesn't exist in other schools. I guess it is a part of life and by giving you a hard time right from the start, DPS RKP toughens you up for the future. Social surroundings can't entirely be blamed as well because it also depends on an individual’s resolve to resist all this. The point is that it did stress me out too much at times. It probably did the same to a lot of others. One of the reasons that made me hate RKP at times.

The last issue I have with RKP is my regret over the way I spent my last two years there. My last two years were spent on something I didn't want from the bottom of my heart anyway - preparing for an admission into IIT (Indian Institute of Technology) and other top engineering universities. For those of you who do not know, IITs (yes, there are 7-8 of them) are the best engineering institutes in India and an average graduate from one of these institutions is just as badass as an engineering graduate from one of the top American universities.

Preparing for engineering entrances is like going into an academic World War of Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics. You're fighting day in and day out for 2 years and when the results come out, nobody is the winner. The ones who get in a good university have another 4 years of the same miserable life. The ones who don't have an equally miserable life because there isn't much in this country where you have 1.5 million kids fighting for 30k odd seats in the top universities. Half of them reserved for the less privileged. When you're in the best school of the capital of India, you're up against the best of these 1.5 million kids. This just compounds the pressure.

For the last 2 years of my life, I gave up everything. I reduced my social circle to a very small number. I dropped out of tennis - the purest form of love I have ever experienced in my life to date. I sacrificed it all. I gave up on extracurriculars. Everything. I became a food hogging, number crunching piece of junk who was smelly at times because he didn't have time to bathe. In short, I became a nerd creep for something I wasn't even motivated to do from the bottom of my heart. All this for a promise of a better tomorrow. This promise is all that engineering had to offer. I sacrificed my present (now past) for this elusive future. I counted down days. Imagined a better tomorrow everyday, just to push me to study for that extra hour when it's already 2 am and I have school at 7 am. I used to leave for school at 6 am and come back at 6 pm from school. I had to stay in school after it finished and attend engineering entrance prep. classes. I never missed a class in these 2 years. Attending a friend's birthday party or going out for a movie filled me with unlimited amount of guilt. I went out for a total of 3 movies in 2 years. I bailed early from the birthday parties.

As a consequence I missed out on a lot of things. At the end of 2 years, I got into an amazing university but the joy was less than the wish in me to relive the last 2 years. When I look back at things, I'm happy with the way things turned out. That sacrifice did pay off. I am where I am today because of what I did in those 2 years. Maybe I would do it all over again if I could go back in time. Despite this, every time I think about RKP, this regret doesn't die. A small part of me will always wish I could go back in time and relive those two years with a little less pressure and stress. A small part of me will always wish to enjoy those 2 years a little more.

“DPS RKP is the best. Say shit about it and I’ll rip you apart.”

No matter what happens, I will always be indebted to RKP for the people it has given me. It gave me a small bunch of exceptional men and women I refer to as "My People". Through the years (and hopefully for the years to come), they have had me for who I am. They've seen me at my best and at my worst. They’ve been there on both occasions - to pull my leg on it first, and then to give me love and support. I can (and most often do) say anything to them, irrespective of their ability to digest it. They're used to me now. There are very few people that you meet in life that will take you for who you are. I found my bunch in this school and I'll forever love this place for it.

I have praised the teachers and people of RKP a lot in this article. In addition I must also mention that it has one of the best sports facilities and infrastructure. I don't want my emotional attachment with the institution to take light away from the facts. I must highlight that it has one of the best sports facilities you can find in India. I have never played in a better football field in India. I remember New Delhi hosted the South Asia Football Federation (SAFF) Cup in 2011. DPS RKP was chosen as the official venue for practice sessions and Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium was the venue for all the matches. Even the Sri Lankan football team's captain mentioned it in a press conference that the venue for practice sessions had a better pitch than the venue itself. The sports complex is a place which I have regularly visited even after passing out from RKP. It is a venue that is open for all outside school hours and I pray to lord it keeps its open door policy forever.

In addition, RKP is a place you can't help but feel proud of. You develop a sense of belonging to this place in a relatively short time. I had friends that were in the school only for the last 2 years of education and could still relate to it more than the schools they had attended in the past. Being someone who has been there right from the first year, I think that this feeling is deeply embedded in me. I might say shit about RKP at times, my friends from school might say shit about it at times but if you're not from RKP, you don't get to do it.

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