Qualms of a Conformist
If there's one adjective that I can use to define me beyond all reasonable doubt, it's "conformist". Right from my youngest days, I've been more than content to color within the lines in exchange for the appropriate social validation. I've never had the desire to be a rebel just for kicks and I've never enjoyed the "thrill" that people often talk about when they indulge in the act of "breaking the rules". In all honesty, I've found it to be quite a nerve wrecking exercise on the rare occasions that I've actually decided to indulge in something that is against the rules or norms.
It doesn't mean that I'm not unique. My experiences, thoughts, and perceptions are unique in their own way, just like they are of any other person. I have my own personal tastes, preferences, likes, and dislikes. Some of them may be quite mainstream - I mean, who doesn't love food. Others may be construed as quite outside the norm - I would NEVER EVER own a pet animal.
Professionally, I've undertaken the most mainstream career decisions that have been prevalent. Computer Science Engineering, followed by a business/economics oriented post-grad that ultimately leads to a cushy job in finance. Every part of that reeks of conformism - the desperate need to seek acceptance not just from my parents but all their friends, neighbors and relatives.
Starting from the big decisions of my life to the tiny decisions I make in my everyday life, the stench of conformism is strong. My entire wardrobe is made up of shades of blue, black, and white - the most common colors for men. My car is one of the largest selling hatchbacks in the country. My accent is fake - something that I changed with time to help me fit in. Everything has been an attempt to just make everyone around me feel like I belong there. If it weren't for my skin color and my inability to have a conversation in Hungarian beyond a couple of minutes, I'd be just another lost face in the crowd.
However, my conformism comes at a cost. It's a price I must pay to not feel like I'm the odd one out. A few dilemmas, a little feeling of discomfort, and questions that have no answer to.
My first qualm is something I call the consumption dilemma. It comes up every time I feel that I need to buy something. Am I buying it because I need it? Or am I buying it because I should have it since everyone else around me seems to? Do I really like my Converse All-Stars or do I wear them because they're what every other person wears in Budapest? Do I really need that Kindle/iPad/Netflix subscription or do I want it just because everyone else around me seems to be using it? Being a conformist comes with the constant task of asking yourself these questions, lest you end up coaxing yourself into buying something that you don't really want.
My second qualm is the social validation dilemma. Homo sapiens are a social species. We feel a sense of security when we feel that we're a part of a group and we fear social rejection. This implies that we, from time to time, indulge in social interaction and attend certain events for the same. In today's world, there is a huge variety of social engagements that are available at our disposal. We often pick and choose the events that suit our interests and on occasion, we may also get dragged into certain social engagements by our loved ones.
I have often wondered if I indulge in social events because I want to or is it the conformist in me pushing me to make my presence felt? Did I really like clubbing or is it something I did because that's what all my peers were up to? Do I even drink alcohol because I like to or do I drink it because everyone else around me does? The saying goes something like this - "Don't be the only drunk in the room but don't be the only one sober in the room either". Am I even traveling because I want to or is it just something I feel the need to do since everyone around me seems to be doing it and loving it? Do I really want to be dating or is it something I seek because all my close friends are in relationships and it's getting awkward to be hanging out with them solo?
My last and the biggest qualm is the identity conflict. It's the unease I often feel when my conformism is at odds with my personal beliefs and principles, or at worse, my individual self. What do I do when the conformist in me wishes to act a certain way but my individual self resents it? Should I really pretend to find dogs cute when in principle, I'm against domestication of animals for non-economic purposes? Should I really act excited at wedding ceremonies like everyone else when in reality, I find them superficial and an intolerable waste of money? If the loss of my identity is the cost of conformity, is it really a trade-off worth making?
These are just some of the ways I am in constant conflict with myself as I try to fit in. It's a constant battle between my individuality, and my need to be a part of the society that I live in. At some level, we all fight these battles. The lines between the two often get blurred as well. In the end, these are just some of the qualms of a conformist.
It doesn't mean that I'm not unique. My experiences, thoughts, and perceptions are unique in their own way, just like they are of any other person. I have my own personal tastes, preferences, likes, and dislikes. Some of them may be quite mainstream - I mean, who doesn't love food. Others may be construed as quite outside the norm - I would NEVER EVER own a pet animal.
My conformism in exhibited in the actions or decisions I undertake in my life.
Professionally, I've undertaken the most mainstream career decisions that have been prevalent. Computer Science Engineering, followed by a business/economics oriented post-grad that ultimately leads to a cushy job in finance. Every part of that reeks of conformism - the desperate need to seek acceptance not just from my parents but all their friends, neighbors and relatives.
Starting from the big decisions of my life to the tiny decisions I make in my everyday life, the stench of conformism is strong. My entire wardrobe is made up of shades of blue, black, and white - the most common colors for men. My car is one of the largest selling hatchbacks in the country. My accent is fake - something that I changed with time to help me fit in. Everything has been an attempt to just make everyone around me feel like I belong there. If it weren't for my skin color and my inability to have a conversation in Hungarian beyond a couple of minutes, I'd be just another lost face in the crowd.
However, my conformism comes at a cost. It's a price I must pay to not feel like I'm the odd one out. A few dilemmas, a little feeling of discomfort, and questions that have no answer to.
My first qualm is something I call the consumption dilemma. It comes up every time I feel that I need to buy something. Am I buying it because I need it? Or am I buying it because I should have it since everyone else around me seems to? Do I really like my Converse All-Stars or do I wear them because they're what every other person wears in Budapest? Do I really need that Kindle/iPad/Netflix subscription or do I want it just because everyone else around me seems to be using it? Being a conformist comes with the constant task of asking yourself these questions, lest you end up coaxing yourself into buying something that you don't really want.
My second qualm is the social validation dilemma. Homo sapiens are a social species. We feel a sense of security when we feel that we're a part of a group and we fear social rejection. This implies that we, from time to time, indulge in social interaction and attend certain events for the same. In today's world, there is a huge variety of social engagements that are available at our disposal. We often pick and choose the events that suit our interests and on occasion, we may also get dragged into certain social engagements by our loved ones.
I have often wondered if I indulge in social events because I want to or is it the conformist in me pushing me to make my presence felt? Did I really like clubbing or is it something I did because that's what all my peers were up to? Do I even drink alcohol because I like to or do I drink it because everyone else around me does? The saying goes something like this - "Don't be the only drunk in the room but don't be the only one sober in the room either". Am I even traveling because I want to or is it just something I feel the need to do since everyone around me seems to be doing it and loving it? Do I really want to be dating or is it something I seek because all my close friends are in relationships and it's getting awkward to be hanging out with them solo?
My last and the biggest qualm is the identity conflict. It's the unease I often feel when my conformism is at odds with my personal beliefs and principles, or at worse, my individual self. What do I do when the conformist in me wishes to act a certain way but my individual self resents it? Should I really pretend to find dogs cute when in principle, I'm against domestication of animals for non-economic purposes? Should I really act excited at wedding ceremonies like everyone else when in reality, I find them superficial and an intolerable waste of money? If the loss of my identity is the cost of conformity, is it really a trade-off worth making?
These are just some of the ways I am in constant conflict with myself as I try to fit in. It's a constant battle between my individuality, and my need to be a part of the society that I live in. At some level, we all fight these battles. The lines between the two often get blurred as well. In the end, these are just some of the qualms of a conformist.
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