The invisible wall

I have set up an invisible wall around me
It keeps everyone at bay,
I have set up an invisible wall to keep 'em all out,
lest someone comes too close to hurt me.

I hide the wall in various disguises,
From being busy with work to needing my own space.
I keep everyone at a distance,
Friends, family and anyone else who cares.

I indulge in things I can do alone,
Traveling solo for a break & hitting the gym to release some sweat.
Even when I play my favorite sport, Tennis,
Playing doubles and trusting a partner is something I truly hate.

I'm not a loner or an introvert. I'm not even socially awkward.
I must clarify before you come to conclusions
I'm just too scared of anything emotionally strong
Cuz these things often come with strong expectations

And I'm tired of living up to them
I don't think I can carry their burden much longer
And I don't want to end up disappointed
When my expectations overburdens the other

And so I keep everything I care about behind this wall
My feelings, my possessions and along with it, my pains
And I put on this pretense, that everything's as Sunny as my nickname.
A thousand friends on Facebook but for a casual beer, I can't pick a name.

The invisible wall is like a loyal soldier.
It keeps me safe. It serves me well.
But the heart, adamant on self-destruction, longs for emotions,
And from time to time, the wall feels like nothing but a jail.

So here I am, alone in a coffee shop, just like I am everywhere else I go.
Longing for a stimulating conversation, and some company in the last few days of summer.
But the wall is strong, and with a cocktail of distractions, I'll suppress this jail like feeling.
Tennis, Netflix, retail therapy, and when all else fails, a delightful supper.