Summertime sadness
I still remember the last few days of bachelors program - the farewell party, iFap (the after-party), the graduation ceremony and all those other little things that you usually do when a long academic journey comes to an end. Over the last few days, I relived similar moments as I finished my Masters.
Back in 2014, a song titled "Summertime Sadness" was topping the charts and we would often hear it in my car whenever we went out. I couldn't help but remember that song over the past week, as another academic journey of my life came to an end. Hence, I've decided to dedicate this blog to my last 2 years in Budapest - a place that has been my home over the last 2 years and has given me a lot more than I could've asked for. I'm going to write about 3 things that happened to me that I'll forever be grateful to Budapest for.
When I look back at the person I was before I came to Budapest, I see a boy who was soft-bred and uni-dimensional (for lack of a better word. I'll explain later). Growing up, I never learned any household chores since there was a belief that I'll always have a servant around. My focus had always been on academics and that's the only thing I knew and could do well. Hence, the term: uni-dimensional. Beyond my books and tennis, I barely had any talent or knowledge about anything else that was going on in the world.
Over the past two years, 2 things happened which changed me as an individual. The first one was the realization that I had to do my chores myself. Over time, I learned everything I believe I should've learned a long time ago - cooking, cleaning, ironing, buying groceries and clothes and most importantly, how to dress up in "real" winters. I have a lot of people to thank for each of these things and if any of you is reading this blog, you should know that I will forever be indebted to you.
The second thing that happened was that I met a lot of people with extremely varied personalities. It made me realize how much I had missed out on by trying to be good in only one aspect of life. As a result, I made a conscious effort to try and broaden my horizons through conversations, traveling and experiments. Step by step, I've come a long way (and there's still a long way to go). From being a boy who could only talk about object oriented programming and cricket, I've become a person with much broader interests and an ability to hold a conversation on a much larger variety of topics.
These two things have changed the core of who I am as a person. I will always be grateful to Budapest for this - for transforming me from a boy to a man.
Back in 2014, a song titled "Summertime Sadness" was topping the charts and we would often hear it in my car whenever we went out. I couldn't help but remember that song over the past week, as another academic journey of my life came to an end. Hence, I've decided to dedicate this blog to my last 2 years in Budapest - a place that has been my home over the last 2 years and has given me a lot more than I could've asked for. I'm going to write about 3 things that happened to me that I'll forever be grateful to Budapest for.
I grew up
When I look back at the person I was before I came to Budapest, I see a boy who was soft-bred and uni-dimensional (for lack of a better word. I'll explain later). Growing up, I never learned any household chores since there was a belief that I'll always have a servant around. My focus had always been on academics and that's the only thing I knew and could do well. Hence, the term: uni-dimensional. Beyond my books and tennis, I barely had any talent or knowledge about anything else that was going on in the world.
Over the past two years, 2 things happened which changed me as an individual. The first one was the realization that I had to do my chores myself. Over time, I learned everything I believe I should've learned a long time ago - cooking, cleaning, ironing, buying groceries and clothes and most importantly, how to dress up in "real" winters. I have a lot of people to thank for each of these things and if any of you is reading this blog, you should know that I will forever be indebted to you.
The second thing that happened was that I met a lot of people with extremely varied personalities. It made me realize how much I had missed out on by trying to be good in only one aspect of life. As a result, I made a conscious effort to try and broaden my horizons through conversations, traveling and experiments. Step by step, I've come a long way (and there's still a long way to go). From being a boy who could only talk about object oriented programming and cricket, I've become a person with much broader interests and an ability to hold a conversation on a much larger variety of topics.
These two things have changed the core of who I am as a person. I will always be grateful to Budapest for this - for transforming me from a boy to a man.
I made friends from literally every corner of the world
Over the past 2 years, I've met a lot of people from all over the world - from Australia down under to Canada up north, from Japan and Malaysia to Colombia and Jamaica. Even my flatmates are from 2 different corners of the world - Russia, and Argentina.
A part of this happened in my university, as I met people in various classes and other social events. On the other hand, a significant part also happened when I traveled solo. I would pick up random conversations with people I met in hostels and ask them about the life where they come from, the weather there and try and find out unique things about their regions. At the same time, I would share with them some of the things from my life back in India. Many of them would tell me things that they would often hear about India. It's been a challenge to explain some of those things or to clear some of their misconceptions.
One very important outcome of these interactions was that I became sensitive to how much of our behavior is determined by our cultural underpinnings. A lot of our responses in certain situations come almost naturally and they vary based on our cultural upbringing. I started seeing this pattern as I met people from the same country on different occasions. As a result, I also started noticing things about my own behavior and how some of the things I would do would be common amongst Indians but almost incomprehensible to others, our sideways head nodding being an example.
One very important outcome of these interactions was that I became sensitive to how much of our behavior is determined by our cultural underpinnings. A lot of our responses in certain situations come almost naturally and they vary based on our cultural upbringing. I started seeing this pattern as I met people from the same country on different occasions. As a result, I also started noticing things about my own behavior and how some of the things I would do would be common amongst Indians but almost incomprehensible to others, our sideways head nodding being an example.
There's one thing I've learned from all these people that I've met. An honest conversation with the right intent will always lead to both sides gaining more and losing less. You'll see and learn more if you're willing to open your eyes, look and make an effort to understand. I owe it to all the people that I've met from all over the world for all the amazing conversations that they've had with me and all the amazing things that they've taught me.
I learned how to be happy
When I was in my last year of engineering, I took a trip to Goa with my friend Ashwin. It was the last vacation before I finished university. At that time, my life was pretty sorted in most ways anyone could imagine. I had landed a good job, was dating an amazing woman and things at home were good. In most ways, everything seemed to be going my way.
However, I still wasn't happy. I was worried. I was worried about how life is going to turn out next. I was worried if I'll be able to do well at work, or if my relationship would last, or if things at home would get bad. No matter how things were, I was always worried and trying to figure out what could go wrong and what I should be doing to make sure it doesn't happen. Even when we would go out, I would be worrying if something could go wrong and if we should do something to make sure we don't get into shit.
During that trip, my friend gave me a piece of advice which I didn't get at that time. He said, "Dude, the problem with you is that you worry too much. If you keep worrying all the time, you'll never manage to start living and you won't even realize when the time to live has gone by." That night, I realized how most of my regrets in life were of opportunities I had missed because I was too busy worrying and not doing anything. I had chosen to be safer and chosen to sacrifice on having amazing experiences and making memories of a lifetime. I told myself during that trip to start living a little more and start worrying a little less.
This was almost 18 months before I moved to Budapest. If there's one thing that I brought along with me here (along with the tonnes of spices and tea), it was this message. I promised myself that I'll live more and worry a bit less. Budapest has been one place where I got the freedom to really live this message to the fullest. If I look back at my two years here, every time I've pushed myself to live through this message, I've ended up doing things I really enjoyed and each time I've fallen back to my old pattern of worrying, I've missed out on something exciting.
Despite all this, I've managed to reach a state of mind where I can truly say that I'm happy inside. I don't derive happiness from the amount of money I make or the car I own or from what people around me have to say about me. I derive happiness from the things I do in my life - my work, tennis, solo trips and my ever expanding Hungarian vocabulary. Albeit slowly, I've learned that there are things that are far beyond my control. Instead of worrying about them, I'd rather live and enjoy the things that are in my control. From time to time, I do have a tendency to fall into my old pattern of worrying and not doing anything. It's a gradual process and I'm proud of the progress I've made on this front.
However, I still wasn't happy. I was worried. I was worried about how life is going to turn out next. I was worried if I'll be able to do well at work, or if my relationship would last, or if things at home would get bad. No matter how things were, I was always worried and trying to figure out what could go wrong and what I should be doing to make sure it doesn't happen. Even when we would go out, I would be worrying if something could go wrong and if we should do something to make sure we don't get into shit.
During that trip, my friend gave me a piece of advice which I didn't get at that time. He said, "Dude, the problem with you is that you worry too much. If you keep worrying all the time, you'll never manage to start living and you won't even realize when the time to live has gone by." That night, I realized how most of my regrets in life were of opportunities I had missed because I was too busy worrying and not doing anything. I had chosen to be safer and chosen to sacrifice on having amazing experiences and making memories of a lifetime. I told myself during that trip to start living a little more and start worrying a little less.
This was almost 18 months before I moved to Budapest. If there's one thing that I brought along with me here (along with the tonnes of spices and tea), it was this message. I promised myself that I'll live more and worry a bit less. Budapest has been one place where I got the freedom to really live this message to the fullest. If I look back at my two years here, every time I've pushed myself to live through this message, I've ended up doing things I really enjoyed and each time I've fallen back to my old pattern of worrying, I've missed out on something exciting.
Despite all this, I've managed to reach a state of mind where I can truly say that I'm happy inside. I don't derive happiness from the amount of money I make or the car I own or from what people around me have to say about me. I derive happiness from the things I do in my life - my work, tennis, solo trips and my ever expanding Hungarian vocabulary. Albeit slowly, I've learned that there are things that are far beyond my control. Instead of worrying about them, I'd rather live and enjoy the things that are in my control. From time to time, I do have a tendency to fall into my old pattern of worrying and not doing anything. It's a gradual process and I'm proud of the progress I've made on this front.
So these are 3 major ways in which I've changed over the past couple of years. This is a time when academic years start in universities and I do see a lot of my friends who are going abroad to study. My advice to all of you is: explore, change and experiment. Don't stick too close to old habits and routines. Try to adapt. Be sensitive to things that make you stand out of the pack and think about what you need to change. I hope you find this advice useful. If you guys have any questions and comments, feel free to post them in the comments section below. :)
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