Thoughts on a sleepless night
There are days that are good and then there are days that are bad. When I was working as a Software Developer, I lived in a flat with 5 guys. My parents lived on the other corner of the city (yes, New Delhi is massive) and I'd go home to them on the weekends. On weekdays, every night, my dad would give me a call around 9. I would finish work around 6, hit the gym, buy some groceries and be back home by half past eight. By 9, I would've had a bath and would be starting my dinner. The one question that we would always ask each other: How was your day?
Even now that I'm in Budapest, my dad makes it a point to try and Skype with me everyday. When it happens, the one question doesn't change: "Aaj din kaisa tha? Aaj kya kiya?" (How was your day? What did you do today?).
It is a small and mundane ritual. Some would even say useless. How does it matter? Every day is pretty much the same. However, it is not the act or performance of the ritual that matters but the intent behind it. This is my father's way of showing that he cares for me and that he loves me. The intent behind this seemingly useless question is to see if I'm okay, if there's any problem or an issue that I'm going through or if there's something I wish to talk about. It's a gesture of love.
Like father, like son. Just like him, I've adopted this habit as well. "How was your day?" Is something I often ask the people I care about. If I haven't been in touch with them for a while, I ask how their life has been over the past few days. I know that it's also a very general thing to ask and a lot of people do it out of courtesy as well. I can't deny that I ask this to a lot of people out of courtesy too. The difference between the ones I care about and the ones I'm being formal to: how much I care about the answer.
In some cases, all I am expecting is "Good" or "Same old stuff" and so on. However, for the people I truly care about, I really wish to know. Implicit in this 'How was your day?' are the little things - "Did you eat? Did you face any trouble while traveling? Are you exhausted?" and the big things - "How're you feeling? How are things at home? How're things at work/at home/with your other half?"
In all of this, the love never really comes out. It's latent. It's there in the wish to know that the other person is safe, is happy and is doing well. The love is in the sigh of relief and the silent prayer of gratitude to god for that. The love is in the willingness to drop everything and do whatever is possible for the other person in case things are not okay. The love is hidden in this mundane ritual of asking "How was your day?"
This is just one of the ways in which my dad exhibits his hidden love. To me, it's in asking this question. To my mom, it's in making her morning tea. To my sister, it's in making sure she gets her choice of groceries in Bangalore all the way from Delhi.
Just like him, I'm not a romantic. I'm not the guy who will do cheesy things for the people he loves and cares about. I'm not the guy who can propose in a romantic way or randomly text her that he misses her. However, I am the guy that will make sure that she is okay, that her needs are well taken care of. I am the guy that will do everything in his power to make sure that nothing is bothering her when she goes to sleep at night and that she has that beautiful smile on her face when she wakes up in the morning. I will, on occasion, do something cheesy and nice too. After all, I get my genes from my mom too. Sadly, those attempts have often ended up backfiring on me. So I'm usually too cautious to exhibit that side of me too.
Today's world is one of flamboyant exhibition of love. From Snapchatting date nights to Instagramming the last vacation together, we are becoming a world where showing you're in love is becoming just as important (if not more) than being in love itself. In this world, I find myself to be the odd one out. In a world where relationships last as long as your favourite pair of jeans, I don't get in one if they don't seem to be as long as the mortgage on my house. Is the world getting stranger or am I?
Even now that I'm in Budapest, my dad makes it a point to try and Skype with me everyday. When it happens, the one question doesn't change: "Aaj din kaisa tha? Aaj kya kiya?" (How was your day? What did you do today?).
It is a small and mundane ritual. Some would even say useless. How does it matter? Every day is pretty much the same. However, it is not the act or performance of the ritual that matters but the intent behind it. This is my father's way of showing that he cares for me and that he loves me. The intent behind this seemingly useless question is to see if I'm okay, if there's any problem or an issue that I'm going through or if there's something I wish to talk about. It's a gesture of love.
Like father, like son. Just like him, I've adopted this habit as well. "How was your day?" Is something I often ask the people I care about. If I haven't been in touch with them for a while, I ask how their life has been over the past few days. I know that it's also a very general thing to ask and a lot of people do it out of courtesy as well. I can't deny that I ask this to a lot of people out of courtesy too. The difference between the ones I care about and the ones I'm being formal to: how much I care about the answer.
In some cases, all I am expecting is "Good" or "Same old stuff" and so on. However, for the people I truly care about, I really wish to know. Implicit in this 'How was your day?' are the little things - "Did you eat? Did you face any trouble while traveling? Are you exhausted?" and the big things - "How're you feeling? How are things at home? How're things at work/at home/with your other half?"
In all of this, the love never really comes out. It's latent. It's there in the wish to know that the other person is safe, is happy and is doing well. The love is in the sigh of relief and the silent prayer of gratitude to god for that. The love is in the willingness to drop everything and do whatever is possible for the other person in case things are not okay. The love is hidden in this mundane ritual of asking "How was your day?"
This is just one of the ways in which my dad exhibits his hidden love. To me, it's in asking this question. To my mom, it's in making her morning tea. To my sister, it's in making sure she gets her choice of groceries in Bangalore all the way from Delhi.
Just like him, I'm not a romantic. I'm not the guy who will do cheesy things for the people he loves and cares about. I'm not the guy who can propose in a romantic way or randomly text her that he misses her. However, I am the guy that will make sure that she is okay, that her needs are well taken care of. I am the guy that will do everything in his power to make sure that nothing is bothering her when she goes to sleep at night and that she has that beautiful smile on her face when she wakes up in the morning. I will, on occasion, do something cheesy and nice too. After all, I get my genes from my mom too. Sadly, those attempts have often ended up backfiring on me. So I'm usually too cautious to exhibit that side of me too.
Today's world is one of flamboyant exhibition of love. From Snapchatting date nights to Instagramming the last vacation together, we are becoming a world where showing you're in love is becoming just as important (if not more) than being in love itself. In this world, I find myself to be the odd one out. In a world where relationships last as long as your favourite pair of jeans, I don't get in one if they don't seem to be as long as the mortgage on my house. Is the world getting stranger or am I?
In the other hand, if someone interested in you, you would deny her. :) maybe you can see that she is pretty and maybe she has a beautiful eyes and you can't see behind these things... what she is really like. just some thoughts
ReplyDeleteI guess love doesn't blossom if it's not mutual. If one person wants something casual but the other person wants something more serious, the relationship cannot last. In this article, I'm just talking about expression of love, not about it's existence or beginning.
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